The Art of Flirting

And like art, it can be mastered.

Flirting is an expression of the vibes, feelings and interaction between two people who are fully engaged, totally present and completely enthralled in any given moment. There are many kinds of flirting. The ‘first meet’is where I take you into the field of flirting with a few of my own simple tips and insights that will bring out the flirt in you.

Flirting is the gentle art of letting a person know that you are interested in them.

Flirting isn’t just a bird call to invite people to a relationship or a booty call; it’s also done to feel sexy, inviting, exciting anddesirable. And perhaps, one or two off times, to make your partner feel jealous! But whatever may be the reasons, the fact of the matter is — that flirting is tricky. Almost all of us have missed to notice that someone wasflirtingwith us. Also sadly, in these times, even friendliness is sometimes mistaken as being flirtatious, so you might have heard from your friend the morning after, that the girl you were bonding with over football, thought you were a pushy flirt, or maybe even borderline creepy!

Now, wouldn’t it be great: If you could somehow get the secret to flirting right? Haven’t you noticed around you, how people not traditionally appealing for the opposite sex, are still somehow popular with them?

The answer, my friend, isn’t blowing in the wind (Bruce Springsteen, anyone?). It is inside the book The Five Flirting Styles by Jeffrey A. Hall, a Ph.D and an international expert on dating and relationships, published by Harlequin.

The book, with its groundbreaking distinction of flirting styles into five distinct ones, has helped thousands of people to discover and polish their naturalflirting styleand assisted them to find their perfect match. We bring Mr. Hall’s research right to you, to unlock the secret to flirt right.

Flirting can essentially be divided into the following types:

The Physical flirt knows what he’s got going for himself and is not afraid to use it.

Confident in using his body language to communicate interest, the physical flirt has no problems in touching their crush gently to indicate interest.

He is not shy about letting a potential partner know how he feels and does so through his physicality, non-verbal behavior and physical attractiveness.

What works for The Physical Flirt:

They have little problem letting people know that they are interested.

They often result in sparking a physical connection with their date, much quicker than the rest.

What doesn’t work for them:

Other people might interpret their everyday manner as more sexually charged.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, people might not be comfortable with their overt physical manner.

Research Says

Your physical attractiveness can change dramatically during a first date. Your personality affects how sexy other people perceive you to be. What you say can either enhance or undermine how attractive other people perceive you to be.

Good manners are a must for this flirt.

Rule governed and polished, the basic arsenal in their armory is genteel and refined behavior.

They are always polite, and may refuse to engage in inappropriate or obviously sexual behavior that might make the other person uncomfortable. This type of a flirt is more likely to invite their potential date to a coffee shop or someplace quiet, as opposed to a noisy club, to get to speak to them at a more personal level.

They diligently follow courtship rules and will always choose civility over pushiness.

What works for The Polite Flirt:

They never come across as looking needy or trying too hard.

They also never embarrass themselves or pass off as appearing too aggressive and insensitive.

They are always well regarded by the opposite gender for their gentlemanly manner.

What doesn’t work for them:

They can seldom appreciate the flirting styles of other people. They may even feel that forward people are rude or impolite.

The Polite Flirt’s approach could be slow paced and quite indirect.

They like to keep their physical feelings in check for the sake of romance.

To the Polite flirt, being out-and-out direct when engaging in romance is simply uncouth. So they might fail to establish a physical connect with their date.

For them, flirting is a game. To the Playful Flirt, it is fun to meet new people, talk them up and make people fall for them.

The playful style is bubbly, funny, flirty and fun.

Playful flirts do not care how others might interpret their behavior as long as they are having a good time.

Note: Playful flirts can even flirt with someone when they are not attracted to them!

What works for The Playful Flirt:

They are perhaps the most popular of all among the opposite sex.

They can easily mingle with their date and get a crackling chemistry with them in record time!

What doesn’t work for them:

Getting into a long term relationship is tricky for the Playful Flirt, as they have some big temptations to fight on the way.

For instance, a man who was a Playful Flirt all his life — now flirts with even a waitress when at a restaurant with his wife. He has a daughter too, and is quite loyal to his wife. But he simply can’t get rid of his habit. Now the two have just accepted that he will flirt wherever possible just to get an extra shot of self-esteem!

They show sincere personal interest. This type of a flirt wants to create an emotional bond with a new crush. Their approach is to share things about themselves and get the other people talking.

They take the first rule of socializing to heart: that if you want to be an interesting conversationalist, you must get people to talk about themselves. They pay great attention to a partner’s personality.

For them, the best chemistry involves around communication and full disclosure.

What works for The Sincere Flirt:

This approach is highly effective and makes them liked by people immensely.

Seeking an emotional connect with a partner is defined as the most agreeable, desirable and effective of all communications, and flirts of this type usually go on to build lasting relationships.

What doesn’t work for them:

Some people might perceive the Sincere Flirt as boring, as most people like a little bit of fun and danger in flirting.

This type feels that men should make the first move and women shouldn’t.

It’s not just that they like this arrangement, in fact they even insist on it.

The men belonging to this flirting type like to confirm to traditional gender defined roles. Like paying for her every time, pulling the chair for her, opening the car door for her, etc.

They might think that the woman who flirts with them first is too forward, and in extreme cases might brandish her as a slut.

What works for them:

It’s easy to confirm to this type. Men ask women out, men open the doors for women, men clear the cheque at a dinner. Men kiss first. Men are more physically aggressive. Women push back. Men go further and conquer. See, so simple!

What doesn’t work for them:

Hey, most cool women won’t fall for that! This flirting style died in the nineties.

If you walk into a room, are sitting in a space or go someplace and see someone you are immediately attracted to you, you will naturally look at them. And nine out of 10 times they will feel your energy and turn to you or the other way around. The energies of the eyes are strong and the receiver canfeelit. When they turn your way, do not look away. Keep looking at them. I do not encourage winking because it’s rather cheesy. It’s the looking of the gaze that will melt you away and bring out your flirtatious nature—and it hints if the other person is feeling you. Those few seconds may seem like eternity. Then…

Not just with your lips but also with your eyes. There is nothing more dazzling than smiling eyes. They are sexy and heart melting. Let your smile light up the room—from a light smile to a bright one that reveals you in a vulnerable, yet strong way.Let your smile naturally fill your organs and your entire body, making all of you beam a radiant smile at your target. After the gaze and the smile, gently return your attention to the moment—your moment.

I swear this one is easier than it sounds. There’s no need to have any moves in mind or practice any steps. When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind andinto your body. Descend into your heart and trust your body. Just make sure you are aware of your feet touching the earth so that you do not slip, twist or fall. Lengthen your spine and let your attention drop into the tail of your spine. Flirting is a natural bodily response to external stimuli that activates the good hormones.You just have to go with it.

If there were distance between you two, then a man would be inclined to find his way to you. A woman can do likewise, if she is at ease with going after what she wants.Let the moment guide you.

Utter a few words acknowledging your crush. A simple ‘Hi’can go a long way. Then notice what they are doing or see what’s around you two and ignite a conversation based on it. If that doesn’t come together easily, then by all means give them a compliment. I love complimenting a man on what’s organic about him, like his features—his eyes, his smile, or the way he expresses through his hair—men with long beautiful locks are easy to compliment but it would be difficult to do so with a bald headed guy. I think if you went for the lips or his buns it may turn up the flame a bit too high and too quick.You don’t want that, you want to be subtle.Remember less is more.

If you’re going to introduce yourself, a first name is sufficient. Remember it’s a‘flirtatious’moment not a business meeting. Besides, you’re not wearing a name tag so make it easy to remember.For me, I have a flirt name and then there’s my real name. I choose according to the situation. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make them work a bit harder to get you to tell your name.Then when you decide to tell your name, whisper it in their ear.What a sexy unveiling of the mystery.

You both should be in close proximity by now—hopefully a few inches apart and of course, not yelling across a room or a street.Find some common grounds with this person. You may both be at an event with a theme or focus, or you may be ordering the same take-out meal or your kids may attend the same school or you may be standing in the same voting line.Use your discretion in bringing up a conversation. Or be ready and mindful of the one he/she may ignite. Just keep it light and no heavy on the personal stuff. Avoid any debates or harsh criticisms and certainly no complaints. In fact, if he/she begins to complain then I would take it as a warning sign and immediately turn off the flirt switch. Flirting is what butterflies do with flowers. Touch, sniff, taste and go—nothing serious, dark or heavy—they just leave the light scent of a trail behind.

Keep yourself open and flowing, this will manifest through your body language. Crossed legs or arms are an indication that you are not open. Tension in your neck and shoulders may be a warning. Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving but your body knows.Always stand or sit facing the other person you are attracted to. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in their direction. Keep your face unwrinkled. Sometimes, stress, sadness and unresolved anger can show up in a person’s face. Make sure you are pleasant, peaceful and at ease in your face and body. All of these facial signs can project and speak of your inner world. You want to create a pleasant inner first and see it come out.

More times than not, it may be perfectly okay to initiatetouch.And I don’t mean in an overly insinuating way nor clumsy way like falling or tripping over something or your crush, but more so in a safe and slightly conveying way. You are transmitting to them that you like them and feel comfortable enough with yourself and the moment.You may choose to brush against them gently as you make your way by or may remove an imaginary speck of dirt or dust on their arm or clothes. No face! In the event that he/she does really have something on their face, then you can let them know or say nothing.It has to feel natural inside of you. The supermarket can be a meet market. I run into a lot of men in Whole Foods Market. It’s always fun flirting with one or two of them.

One time I was at the check out when a man walked in. We were immediately drawn to each other. I could tell he was stunned by me. He gazed and I gazed for what seemed like eternity. I had to finally turn away. Before I could even check out of the line, he was at the café area waiting for me. Lucky for him, I sat down to have a snack. So he made his way over to me and began talking. I told him I only talked to him because he was wearing my color of the day—pink. That was my flirt line.

To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce.Keep the sensual brush with human nature short and brief. No dragging it on or the rush to create an impromptu date. Not a good idea! You want to make your self be known and felt like a very nice and arresting breeze appearing out of nowhere, blankets you then moves on leaving an aromatic hint that leaves them dazzled and curious.Remember the butterfly rule.

Is there a difference between the gal/guy that asks you for her/his number or the one that gives you theirs? Well, I’ll let you figure that out.If there was a click then perhaps you two can meetup for a date. An event, or gathering or anything that is open and public would be a good start. You could even plan to meet at a library or coffee shop—someplace simple. And generally, if you both feel a need to exchange numbers, I would give a voice mail number, not a cell or home number.
It’s just best to play the game in a detached way to once again obtain sustainable outcome, if not thing at all. A smile that includes eyes and body can go a long way.

Thelaw of attractionis a component of the game of flirting. And it derives from what appears to be a natural order. When you take flirting as a shift in the energy field of love vibrations, though for a fleeting moment, it can leave a mark that carries sustainable results.Every flirtatious moment can present conversations of possibilities: a moment to intermingle and connect with another projection of your self-portrait, lovers engaged in the stroke of the brush that gradually paints their most intimate and perpetual love bond.

Bonus funny: